Today made it a month in the hospital. At this point, I have to fight the feeling that I've accomplished nothing. Yes, I made it through chemo and the biodrug, and I'm mostly over those side effects now. My feet still cause me issues and I still need to use a walker for longer distances. I am doing fairly well, but there is no engraftment and I'm still transfusion dependent. I received two units of blood and a unit of platelets today. They are also flushing me with fluid to help with my kidneys. Today was an IV day.
Every morning, lately, I've been sending out emails to family members with my daily blood counts. In those emails, I always write that we wait on the Lord. Today, in our morning devotions, we read from Psalm 27:14 "Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord."
Spurgeon writes: "Wait on the Lord as a beggar waits for a hand-out. We have gotten to God's door, knocked, waited, and obtained gracious answers. Wait but knock as you wait. Knock but with fervent pleading and strong confidence for the Lord Himself wants to be gracious. Agonize and desire. Make the door of mercy resound again and again with your resolute blows. The Lord is good to those who wait on Him. He will answer you in due time and you will never be sent away empty-handed. It is your Father's business to provide for you. His Name is Jehovah Jireh - the Lord provides."
3 comments:
Dear ones in the LORD...of all of God's answers to our prayers, the most difficult can be "wait"...because it keeps you "on the fence". Sometimes it is easier to get a "no", so you know where you stand. However, since we don't get a choice, one must accept, still in faith, that God's answer will be for our good...yes, no or wait.
We pray for you to wait in His grace. love in HIM, Rev. & Bev
Although I fully understand the sentiment behind not feeling like you have accomplished anything over the past month...I want to encourage you to see a bigger picture...a perspective that is a lot easier to see for someone who is not daily in the trenches. You have witnessed to the faithfulness of God in this past month, you have shared the gospel with countless caregivers and blog readers, you have grown in reliance and humility as your blog entries can testify, you have shown yourself to be anything but a doubting Thomas under extreme circumstances. The strength and faith that you and your family have been able to display has been inspirational to so many more than you may realize. Your illness, though extremely difficult for you and your loved ones, has a divine purpose. That is not to suggest that being given the gift of life through a miraculous healing could not be used to show the majesty of Christ. It is simply to remind you (though not in a reprimanding fashion whatsoever) that our lives have such a larger purpose than we could ever imagine. The ripple effect of your illness is incalculable, just as the joy at hearing of your complete healing would be un-measureable. We most certainly do not give up hope as time ticks by on earthly timelines. We serve a God that created us with the desire to live, and that is exactly what we deeply hope for you as well. For your sake, for your loved one's sake...but also for the sake of all those who have heard your story and have been on the peripheral edges of your story. We have a great and awesome God and we cast all our sorrows and worries at His feet.
Please remember that Charles Spurgeon also said: By perseverence the snail reached the Ark."
Blessings to all of you,
Gail
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